心情依舊

今朝一覺醒來,我從來都唔相信我會係個d訓醒就咩事都冇既人,我係個d如果今日唔解決件事,我係會訓得唔好,同埋第二朝會心情好差既人
讀書係咁,做野係咁,對愛情都係一樣
曾經我要求過我既男朋友,無論發生咩事,都唔好比我訓之前唔開心,如果唔係,我既唔開心只係倍增,第一個男朋友,到分手前總算可以做到呢點,第二個男朋友,都有一半時間係可以做到,第三個,即是我老公,我諗佢只係低於10%既時間係記得同做到我既要求,每一次鬧交,無論係我冇理取鬧,定係佢明知自己錯,佢都會以為訓醒左就咩事都冇,呢樣野,我同佢講過9千10萬次係冇可能,唔好以為奇蹟係會出現,不過佢依然好相信奇蹟係會發生係我同佢身上。
尋晚我專登一直上網到兩點先入房訓,個point係我唔想你又未訓,我又唔眼訓,我就係你隔離嬲嬲嬲,你就若無其事,我一定會鬧你架喇
好啦,我夜一夜入房,你係顧住打機唔訓,第一刻,我覺得你係等我,所以冇聲冇色既等我入房,不過我入左房,你又唔係同我講野架喎,一句對唔住都冇講,見我訓低就問我係唔係訓喇?我唔彩你,係因為我唔想出聲鬧你,唔知有咩好同你講,熄晒燈,冇端端問我:“老婆,你做咩姐?你宜家做咩呀?”聽得出你把聲係好似想發惡,我依然保持住唔發脾氣不過唔開心既聲音去答你:“有咩做咩呀?”,你:“我問你野,你又唔出聲?”,我:“咁你見我訓低左,同亞nic講晒good night,咁都唔係訓覺呀?仲要答你呀?”,大家又再一次不了了之,其實我好唔明,你問我做咩係為咩呢?你係唔係都仲係度期望我會同你講一聲:“冇野呀,訓啦,我冇事呀”
你唔好傻啦,我係唔會講呢d野架,唉~~~
今朝起身如常,只係我今日冇懶床,冇同你講野,一起身就真係起身,帶左nic出去食野,然後自己梳洗,到出門口時,你都一直冇同我講過野,到排隊等小巴,你又開始你既精彩妙語,我又再一次失望

“嬲啦嬲啦,嬲完啦,你嬲左好耐喇”
“對唔住(囉),今晚同你去街喇” (又係個囉字,對唔住就係對唔住,咩野係對唔住囉呀?即是唔願意講啦)

聽得出你講呢兩句說話既時候係好冇心,你只不過係想草草了事,我唔係只係想去街呀,過左一晚,你根本冇好好諗過點樣可以令我開心一d,算啦,呢個老公由始至終都係咁,我都冇謂對佢有希望喇

到最後,大家差不多要行唔同路既時候,你終於都心急喇,語氣開始重,然後同我講
“對唔住喇,我應承你出年我一定會準備得好d,我應承你啦”
呢個說話聽起黎係幾好架,好似好有心悔改喎,不過我可以90%肯定,你出年唔會記得你今日講過既野,知唔知點解呀?因為上年鬧完交,你都有話過今年會好好地過架,可能今年唔鬧交就係好好地過啦,可能我要求係高左d啦
我聽完你呢個說話只係答左你一句:“算啦,過左喇,你乜野都唔好講啦,已經過左喇”
之後我就自己一個人行去搭巴士,你就去搭地鐵,一路行唔知點解我真係好唔開心,我好想喊,兩隻眼都係水,睇唔清前面條路,忍呀忍,行到個站時,因為冇人,淚水終於都一滴一滴既滴出黎,我搵來搵去都搵唔到tissue,只係見到自己既眼淚一滴一滴咁滴落個袋入面,好不容易,眼淚先可以停止,呢一刻個心真係好痛,每一滴眼淚都好似刺我個心一下咁,好難受
返到公司,我都仲係好遊雲,不過真係好多野做,我冇辦法唔將我既私事放低一陣,不過係百忙中去washroom既時候,個一下既心痛又忽然湧起,眼淚又再一滴一滴咁滴出黎,夠喇,究竟幾時眼淚先唔會再湧出黎呀!
係12:30,心情依然係好差好差,覺得好灰,三年來第一次感覺到個心比刀割既感覺,我唔嬲,我今次真係唔嬲,不過係好失望,好心痛,覺得你莫視左一個我認為應該重視既日子,你呢一次既表現,比你完全唔記得係咩日子黎得心痛,因為你係知道而又什麼都沒做,直至我唔開心,你都好似若無其事,好似件事會冇聲冇色地好了一樣,令一樣係令我最心痛既,因為我覺得你好似冇用過心去感受一下我,唉~~~